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--- song:oor-hamlet [2018/07/09 13:26] – created Jeff Bigler
+++ song:oor-hamlet [2018/07/09 13:27] (current) – Jeff Bigler
@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
+====== Oor Hamlet ======
+by Adam MacNaughtan
+There was this king sleeping in his gairden a' alane,
+When his brither in his ear drapped a wee tait o' henbane,
+Then he stole his brither's crown and his money and his widow --
+But the deid king walked and got his son and said, hey listen, kiddo!
+I've been kill't and it's your duty to take revenge on Claudius,
+Kill him quick and clean and show the nation what a fraud he is.
+The boy says, Right I'll dae it but I'll have tae play it crafty;
+So that naeb'dy will suspect me, I'll kid on that I'm a daftie.
+So wi' a' except Horatio (and he trusts him as a friend),
+Hamlet -- that's the boy -- kids on he's roond the bend,
+And because he was nae ready for obligatory killing
+He tried to make the King think he's tuppence off the shilling.
+Took the mickey oot Polonius, treated poor Ophelia vile,
+And telt Rosencrantz and Guildenstern that Denmark was a jail,
+Then a troupe 'o travelling actors, like 7:84,
+Arrived to dae a special one-night gig in Elsinore.
+//Hamlet, Hamlet! Loved his mammy.
+Hamlet, Hamlet! Acting balmy.
+Hamlet, Hamlet! Hesitating,
+Wonders if the ghost's a cheat and that is why he's waiting.//
+Then Hamlet wrote a scene for the players to enact,
+While Horatio and him would watch to see if Claudius cracked.
+The play was ca'd ``The Mousetrap'' (no' the one that's runnin' noo)
+And sure enough, the King walked oot afore the scene was through.
+So Hamlet's got the proof that Claudius gied his da' the dose,
+The only problem being noo that Claudius knows he knows,
+So while Hamlet tells his ma that her new husband's no' a fit one,
+Uncle Claud pits oot a contract wi' the English King as hit-man.
+And when Hamlet killed Polonius, the concealed corpus delecti
+Was the King's excuse to send for an English hempen necktie,
+Wi' Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to make sure he got there,
+But Hamlet jumped the boat and put the finger on that pair.
+Meanwhile Laertes heard his da' had been stabbed through the arras;
+He came racing back to Elsinore toute-suite, hot-foot frae Paris,
+And Ophelia, wi' her da' kill't by the man she wished to marry --
+After saying it wi' flooers, she committed hari-kari.
+//Hamlet, Hamlet! Nae messing!
+Hamlet, Hamlet! Learnt his lesson.
+Hamlet, Hamlet! Yorick's crust
+Convinced him that men, good or bad, at last must come to dust.//
+Then Laertes lost the place and was demanding retribution,
+But the King said, keep the heid and I'll provide ye a solution.
+And he arranged a sword-fight wi' the interested pairties,
+Wi'a bluntit sword for Hamlet and a sharp sword for Laertes.
+And to make things double-sure -- the auld belt-and-braces line --
+He fixed a poison't sword-tip and a poison't cup o' wine,
+And the poison't sword got Hamlet but Laertes went and muffed it,
+'Cause he got stabbed hissel and he confessed afore he snuffed it.
+Then Hamlet's mammy drank the wine and as her face turn't blue,
+Hamlet says, I quite believe the King's a baddy noo;
+Incestuous, treacherous, damnd Dane, he said (to be precise)
+And made up for hesitating by killing Claudius twice,
+'Cause he stabbed him wi' the sword and forced the wine atween his lips,
+Then he said, The rest is silence, that was Hamlet had his chips.
+They fire't a volley over him that shook the topmost rafter,
+And Fortinbras, knee-deep in Danes, lived happy ever after.
+//Hamlet, Hamlet! Aw the gory!
+Hamlet, Hamlet! End of story.
+Hamlet, Hamlet! I'm away!
+If you think this song is boring, you should read the bloody play!//