Chorus:

We're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything
We just stay home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, we don't do anything

Well, I've never been Greenland and I've never been to Denver
And I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul
And I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

'Cause we're… [chorus]

And I never hoist the mainstay and I never swab the poop deck
And I never veer to starboard 'cause I never sail at all
And I've never walked the gang plank and I've never owned a parrot
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

'Cause we're… [chorus]

Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping-pong
And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall
And I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

[chorus]

And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a stink bug
And I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball
And I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings
And I've never been to Boston in the fall